Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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