dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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