you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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