So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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