you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
