Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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