final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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