Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
