Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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