i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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