I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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