I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
