mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
