when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
