Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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