Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
