he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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