Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
