OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
