So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
