Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
