Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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