i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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