Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
