someone get that fucking seahorse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
