I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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