I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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