literally had 100 drinks last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
