He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
