8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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