One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
