the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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