were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
