I am puke
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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