Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
