This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
