i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
