what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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