help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
