Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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