maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
