I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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