I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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