He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
