i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
