So drunk its hurt
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
