just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
