I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
