That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Your dad touched me again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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