Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
